apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
