maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
