he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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