She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
