you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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