the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
