all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
