I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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