ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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