3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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