I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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