Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
