We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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