is your mom at the bar?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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