i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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