i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
