paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
