I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
