I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
