my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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