i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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