sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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