see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
