so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
