wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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