Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
