and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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