She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
