May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
