I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
