i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
