I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
