Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
