So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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