On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
