I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
