My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i love accidental penises.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She bit a glass in half.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
