i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
