Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
