Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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