Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
