You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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