dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
