Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
