The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
