i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
