she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this boner is exhausting
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The air was thick with penises
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
