can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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