Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
