Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
