too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
