I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she peed on how many people?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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