New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
