6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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