and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
