i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
