Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
