Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize