Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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