walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think my fart just growled at me.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
