Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
