Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
