So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
