Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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