I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
