Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
