Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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