Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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