holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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