and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
