When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Come on in and take your pants off
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