I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
